I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
