you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
