I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
