I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ruined the universe
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
