oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
