Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
