I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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