i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
