My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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