Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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