If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
