If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
40s are totally the cure
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
