i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
