Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
