yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
