I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
