Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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