so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
