So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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