I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize