I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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