That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
