Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
