Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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