I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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