If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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