I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
