I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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