just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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