you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
