I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Vodka?
Forever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
