i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
