The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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