You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to stop coming to work sober
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
