Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
