she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She even gives head with a lisp.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
