Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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