if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
