I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
