Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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