Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
