my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
