She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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