He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize