didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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