i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
