she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
