I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
