Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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