At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
