Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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