Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
