So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
