I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
