Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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