that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
