im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
