I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
