You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
