so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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