he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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