i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
