Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i drank out of a bidet.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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