Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This baby is an asshole
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
