I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
